I wish I was perfect. If we’re all honest, it’s hard to be cool with yourself and confident in the person God made you when you’re in your twenties [or thirties or forties or fifties, I hear you boo] and you’re not Amish. If your on Instagram or Facebook, searching it up on Pinterest, online shopping, you name it, there’s a part of you that can get sucked into comparison world. I’m not an insta hater or someone who blames a society that uses Facebook for all the problems in the world, and I don’t think social media is bad. I don’t even think social media is the problem, because I remember life before the gram and I still got on the struggle bus to comparison land and made myself miserable by trying and wanting to be other people.
My struggle is in just rolling with who God made me and being that person. I want to be cool and sophisticated and collected. I basically wish I was like the nice, 2018, brunette version of Miranda Priestly. If you spend more than 7 minutes with me at any given point in time, it’s clear that I’m not a quiet and or collected fashion magazine editor with legit comebacks. I’m more of the can spill anything, trips on air, gracefulness of Lizzie McGuire, little free spirit kind of woman.
Some Days, I’m so into Jesus and trusting of who He made me to be that I love who I am and I’m me all day, all the way. It feels so great to be confident in God and subsequently so confident in who you are in Him. You can take a breath and do your thing and be yourself without thinking about it. But when you dabble in the comparison thing, that fades into the sunset faster than you can hashtag your perfect selfie. My big downfall is falling down the instagram rabbit hole. I usually start out just scrolling through and looking for makeup inspiration, and before you know it, I’ve somehow found 80 pictures of the most gorgeous people that the world has ever seen and the confidence I was living up ten minutes prior is gone. I start doing the side by side feed comparison to see how much more awesome her Ariana Grande ponytail pictures are than mine and try not to laugh at her hilarious captions that I think are funny but would never laugh at out loud because all I can think about it how she must be Gigi and Bella Hadid’s long lost model sister. Or, I run down the infamous “I didn’t get invited and they probably hate me and they think I’m so annoying” road which always leads me to the self defeating game of self exclusion. It’s a whole disaster thing, and in the end, all I’ve done is waste my time and ruin any remanence of confidence I had. I tell God he’s wrong and I don’t trust who He’s made me or calls me to be. Nobody wins except Satan who’s out to distort the foundations you build in Christ about your identity because if he can ruin your view of who you are, you’re useless.
If you don’t believe the facts that, if you’ve accepted salvation in Jesus, you’re a saved, forgiven, and loved person who can be who God made you to be, you’ll spend all your time on trying to figure out who in the world you are. And if you’re spending all your time wasted on an endless search for confidence in appearances, selfies, high ponytails, and pretending to be someone else, you won’t have time to be secure in the Lord and work on the things He’s made you passionate about. The only way to end the cycle is finding a firm foundation in God and deciding to believe what He says.
Sometimes I wish I was different. I wish I was smarter, more sophisticated, more graceful, skinnier, more beautiful, and had hair as long as Kim Kardashian’s extensions. Sometimes I waste my time on worrying about what people think of me and on staring their seemingly perfect Instagram feeds. Sometimes I spend my money on ridiculous beauty treatments to try to make myself look more wrinkle free and symmetrical. Sometimes I make myself sick mulling over how I can make myself prettier. I wish I could tell you I’m so into Jesus that it never crosses my mind to doubt Him when He tells me who I am, but I do. No amount of self help tricks or airbrushing can cover up the real issues if I don’t just get down to it and surrender all my insecurities to Him and listen to what He tells me about who I am. And when you let it go and see it His way, you’ll never be more free or feel more able to be you.
Don’t give God suggestions on how He should have made you, spend your time finding out who God is and how much He loves you. When you get the itch to compare your profile picture, say nope, not today Satan, and open up that Bible app. If you start to dig into God’s word and find out how much God is into you, you will find it’s so easy to be you. There’s nothing more beautiful than a person who’s into Jesus and is living the life He’s called them to live.
“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in Godʼs sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves.
KYLE LOVES TORI PHOTOGRAPHY